Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (13)

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Jin buys me food, and always leaves it out for me. Not so much in the morning, though. But in the evening, I usually have a bento to eat.

Jin cares whether my secret is discovered. He goes to great lengths to keep it a secret and he talks to me about it all the time. Who noticed what and if they did or they didn’t, and he teaches me how to lower suspicions.

Jin works hard to pay for our rent and food, and school. He works two jobs, which must be definitely hard when you’re constantly drunk.

Jin loved my parents. That’s pretty clear from the rare instances when alcohol makes him sad and not mad, from what he says. “I wish you were here.” “I wish you weren’t dead.” “You’d know what to do…about your son.” “I don’t want to fail you, man, I wish you were here.”

Jin, even with all his bad attitude and grumpiness, gives me a lot of council. To exemplify:

              Don’t blame teachers for my bad grades. People who judge us will always be harsh and biased, we either get through that or we don’t. Blaming others is an excuse that, realistically, doesn’t work or make any difference. What makes a difference is getting through it, and past it.

                 Hardships are wasted on those who don’t learn from them. When I fail a test, or I got bullied too much and got hurt, when something like that happens. He usually tells me to toughen up, and be glad. Some people go through life without anything bad happening to them, or trying to ignore and forget when it does, until something does that they can’t deal with. Then they freeze and their life as they know it is over. They can’t cope. I will.

                Don’t talk about life. This is the one that upsets him the most, I’ve seen him go off the rails because someone was like “oh, you dunno how hard life can be, your parents are still together” or whatever. He really gets mad when people compare lives because they’re all different and people are different so they value and think of them differently. There’s always someone worse off, always someone better off, it should have no bearing on how we live and feel.

There are others but yeah.

Man, it felt good to write this. I have to admit it’s hard sometimes, he’s so mean and aggressive all of the time — he has hurt me even, always accidentally! It is, when you’re in trouble, that’s another thing I learned from him…I think about it a lot.

If you surrender yourself to something bad, thinking it’s only going to hurt you, but it doesn’t. What I also learned from Jin is that what hurts you? Hurts everyone around you. But at the end of the day, he’s not bent on hurting me, he doesn’t mean to, he’s just hurting himself and that sometimes…sometimes means collateral damage. On me.

But the source of it all is not hatred for me, it’s hatred for whatever happened in the past, and this huge regret that he just can’t handle. I notice it sometimes, when he thinks I’m getting the same way, he gets really violent.

He doesn’t want me to be like him, and that says a lot to me.

I really wish you weren’t a drunk. That you could find it in yourself to try and be happy together with me. But when all’s said and done, I’m still glad I have you, Jin.


These are journal entries from the protagonist of the comic book Aegis Omega. If you’re not familiar with the story, I invite you to change that and read up on it:

http://aegisomega.tumblr.com/post/109010046366

Also consider checking out my Patreon. You can

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (13)

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (11)

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It wasn’t an accident. Enough days have gone by, so not only does she have to know what she’s doing, but I even witnessed it. A friend of hers rolled her eyes and said a mean thing, so Rika scolded her!

It feels…great. I never really thought it would feel so weird, or so good. It does feel good, just to say “hey” and have it said back with a smile, like she’s happy to see me.

I find that hard to believe, she doesn’t even know me, why would she be happy to see me?

Everything else is pretty much the same, but with her in my class, it’s also… much better.

It makes me think…like, the difference that one person can make in other people’s lives just by being kind. We really can’t imagine, or at least, most people can’t imagine the impact kindness can have in people’s lives.

I for one, feel that impact.

I worried, initially, that she would pay the price, and share in my infamy, but that isn’t happening. She’s very pretty, she’s always happy and joyful. I think she’s smart too. I think she’s going to be moving a lot of hearts in that school.

I’m scared she already started with mine.

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These are journal entries from the protagonist of the comic book Aegis Omega. If you’re not familiar with the story, I invite you to change that and read up on it:

http://aegisomega.tumblr.com/post/109010046366

Also consider checking out my Patreon. You can

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (11)

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (10)

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Holy crap.

I mean, really, holy crap.

I don’t want to like, but I mean, wow. This new girl talked to me today, I mean, it was just…a casual thing, but it was so…like what?

She said good morning, introduced herself, asked me my name.

I mean she did it to everyone, I guess she doesn’t really know that…well that she doesn’t want to get associated with me. Or maybe, I dunno.

It was nice. It was…different.

Rika.

Thank you, Rika.

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These are journal entries from the protagonist of the comic book Aegis Omega. If you’re not familiar with the story, I invite you to change that and read up on it:

http://aegisomega.tumblr.com/post/109010046366

Also consider checking out my Patreon. You can

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (10)

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (9)

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Ok so my secret thing. I’m like…basically, it’s an ability I have, and…I sometimes dream of it not being a secret. Of me just…using it to help people!

Like the shows, I could be a super hero of some sort. I have that dream. I have lots of dreams.

I want to be a cop, I think. Though not in Japan, I’d like to be part of some international thing, like be a detective or something. I dunno if that’s a thing, I’ll have to check.

But yeah! That would be cool, taking down bad guys, and I could…I dunno, make my ability useful in some way, and keep it a secret but still make use of it to catch people off-guard.

It’d be so cool. I hope it can happen, I really have to check into it.

Though first, I dunno, maybe I should find a job. Maybe if I relieve Jin of some of the burden, or even if I can live on my own, he’ll get better.

Or maybe without me, he’ll just die in a drunken stupor…I don’t want that to happen…

I mean, he’s basically my father.

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These are journal entries from the protagonist of the comic book Aegis Omega. If you’re not familiar with the story, I invite you to change that and read up on it:

http://aegisomega.tumblr.com/post/109010046366

Also consider checking out my Patreon. You can

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (9)

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (8)

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Okay, just.

I will get through it, I’m not going to drop out or anything, but I don’t get school. And I don’t like some of my teachers.

They very clearly blame me for getting bullied. They’re like “if this kid wasn’t here, my class would be more orderly.” And a couple don’t really trust me. The one thing about Jin that’s beneficial is that he doesn’t care about my grades, because they’re pretty mediocre.

Honestly, though, I do well in every test, I mean. Either I’m so ignorant I think I know stuff when I don’t, or some of these teachers are actively trying to fail me. I get that feeling sometimes.

They’re annoyed when I raise my hand with a question. They give me way more crap about being distracted than they give others.

Like, what’s the point of them? Why are they teaching? Why am I the burden when I’m the one generally behaving and being respectful and polite?

I get that they don’t like that I have to leave class suddenly sometimes, for that bathroom secret thing I wrote about earlier. But I mean.

Like today. I go to sit down and my chair just breaks and I fall, and it hurts like, damn. It hurt. And the bullies laughed, everyone laughed, to be honest. I’m hurt, embarrassed, and the teacher got mad at me.

And I showed her the chair! I showed her that it had been sawed at the legs, but she didn’t care. I was the one who she got mad at.

The hell, man?

NEXT


These are journal entries from the protagonist of the comic book Aegis Omega. If you’re not familiar with the story, I invite you to change that and read up on it:

http://aegisomega.tumblr.com/post/109010046366

Also consider checking out my Patreon. You can

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (8)

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (7)

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Caught a big scare today. A huge one.

Woke up to a loud crash. Jin fell all over the dinner table, the glass dinner table. It shattered. Not only did he almost die because…I can’t say, but he also got all cut up. And I can’t take him to a hospital so I had to take care of it somehow.

It’s not the first time it happened, it’s really what worries me most about his condition, which is that he just gets so drunk he hurts himself. And it’s hard to take care of him, he’s too tough! To pass out, I mean. I have literally never seen him unconscious.

He’s always awake, impatient and grumpy, not to say violent.

I honestly don’t know if he even remember how I help him when these things happen, I don’t think so, I think he’d change if he did.

But one day he will. He’ll know how I’ve been there for him and then he’ll decide to be there for me, that’s how these things work.

These realizations suddenly come out into the open, and hit you hard. I really feel Jin can be a good guy, I mean, no bad guy just takes someone else’s kid because they died, and takes care of him for so long, despite it being so hard.

I tell myself that a lot, like. Yeah, it sucks he’s so belligerent and drunk all the time, but I owe him my life, I would probably be dead without him.

And whatever I am…you know? It’s better than dead.

NEXT


These are journal entries from the protagonist of the comic book Aegis Omega. If you’re not familiar with the story, I invite you to change that and read up on it:

http://aegisomega.tumblr.com/post/109010046366

Also consider checking out my Patreon. You can follow these updates weekly over there:

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=2551383

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (7)

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (6)

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I like watching cartoons, and movies. I like reading and doodling. It all makes it easier when Jin’s lying about drunk and crazy, or when people at school are being mean to me. It’s nice to let imagination take over those times.

While I’m in that state, I have a reprieve. I don’t know exactly from what, but it does make me feel better. More hopeful.

Haha.

I really don’t like…just complaining. I think it makes sense that…if you always think negatively, then nothing ever gets better. So yeah, I’m bullied, and sure I don’t really feel like it’s at all possible to have friends, or more, but you never know I mean.

Jin might one day decide to get better. Things would improve fantastically if that happened, and that can happen any day now.

I might also think about getting a job of some kind. Right now, I usually just have a piece of fruit for lunch, and don’t much eat anything else during the day.

Fruit’s healthy, but I bet eating more would also improve things, I’d have more energy!

And energy can also be a state of mind, an attitude.

Just gotta have a good attitude!

NEXT


These are journal entries from the protagonist of the comic book Aegis Omega. If you’re not familiar with the story, I invite you to change that and read up on it:

http://aegisomega.tumblr.com/post/109010046366

Also consider checking out my Patreon. You can follow these updates weekly over there:

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=2551383

Aegis Omega – Keiji’s Journal (6)